God tapped me on the shoulder. “Two weeks” were His words.
To take a break, recover, regain my footing. The thing about this particular prescription — this nudge toward respite and reprieve — is that I didn’t seek it out. In fact, I’m not even sure I appreciated it.
I’d been wrestling for time, for words to write in this space … well, for the reigns. Convinced I could squeeze it ALL in, I was stacking my schedule. The fact that I was penciling in time to breathe probably should have been the tip-off that something was going to give.
In a week of award assemblies, 6th grade promotion, year-end parties, swim practice, work responsibilities — in the 5 days where I insanely decided to invite 20 people for dinner 12 hours before we left for a 10 hour drive circling our home state — God was giving me a holy nudge to come up for air!
But this particular week, God was also writing “balance” over my heart.
And I was like, “Huh, what? What was that You said? B-A-L … how’s that spelled again?”
So my incredible, amazing, awe-worthy Creator said, “Here, let Me show you.”
He is just downright beautiful, isn’t He? God takes my breath away.
My issues — my pension to drive forward, to race ahead, to head down charge the finish line, it isn’t a “busy” problem, it’s a sin problem.
We weren’t made for fast paced, full steam sprints. We weren’t designed to toil and strive. We were made to worship. We were designed to linger, to meander alongside our Creator. We were made to stroll, hands open, hearts ready to receive His presence.
We meager people weren’t made to taste the contrast of good and evil. He had to kick our tails out of the garden just so we wouldn’t take eternity into our hands too, didn’t He?
Since the beginning of time God has been rescuing us from ourselves. Adam and Eve tried to tip the scales, to find their own balance, to run their own show. We know how that blame game, that fall from paradise ended. But we forget, don’t we?
I forget. All the time.
That I was made for Him. That when I’m pursuing fullness and coming up empty, it’s because I’m not pursuing Him. I focus on me and what must be done, instead of Him and what He desires. What He longs for. What He waits for. What is that? More of me.
“My heart has heard you say, ‘Come and talk with me’
And my heart responds, ‘Lord, I am coming.'” Psalm 27:8 NLT
The fact that He desires me should be enough. The truth that He requires more of me is what really seizes my heart.
Trying to talk Him out of what He’s prescribing.
Choosing other people or things first.
Running passed His promises.
Chasing my intentions.
It’s all just ignorance. It’s making an idol out of life. Rather than living to worship, I’m worshiping living.
And without Him, life is empty. It’s purposeless. It’s pointed in the wrong direction. Life without Jesus is simply, well … sin-full.
In the long, slow drawl of summer it’s quite amiable to say that I’m going to learn this lesson once and for all. But, busyness is right around the corner. Fall will bring its fullness once more.
Oh, Lord … don’t let me forget this time. Bring to mind this tender pace, this beloved balance. I’m quite fond of this place where body, mind, and spirit are in sync. The busy girl, the stressed out mommy, the less loving wife, the pressed to perform writer — I’m just not crazy about her.
After two weeks, this I know: I don’t want to let balance slip through my fingers again.
I can’t help but think that God would say, fully knowing my heart and my pension to pick up more, “This one thing, I’m okay with you holding tightly too.”
He doesn’t want me to forget what still feels like. He doesn’t want me to stop breathing, and lingering, and sinking into soul rest. I have His permission to relax — to read a good book, stay up late watching movies with my husband, snuggle with my sweet boy, sip ice tea and eat chocolate chip cookies, to sit on the back porch in the cool, quiet of the morning and thumb through His word and relish in His goodness…to see it all around me.
That’s what balance looks like to me. And its one thing I’m quite eager to know more of.
Linking up with the beautiful blogging communities and the friends of my heart, Holly Barrett (#testimonytuesday), Kelly Balarie (#raralinkup), Holley Gerth (#coffeeforyourheart), Kristin Hill Taylor (#threewordwednesday), Bonnie Gray (#faithbarista), and Jennifer Dukes Lee (#tellhisstory).
All photos © Tiffany Parry 2015 (shot with iPhone 6)