The slow rolling, subtle blue fog settled into my heart about midday Wednesday. It was coupled with exhaustion, unfinished to-do’s, and a bit of defeat. My thoughts drifted toward, “maybe it’s time to quit.”
I’ve confessed it here before. I’ve taken the feelings-first oath. My emotions can get the best of me. A familiar pout positions itself on my lower lip from time to time and the pity party commences. Discontent and dissatisfaction creep in and I consider throwing in the towel.
The scroll unfurled like this … “It would be so much easier to just lay on the couch and say nothing. Words are a lot of work and what’s the point anyways. Hundreds of thousands are speaking the same ones. She’s more gifted than I am. Have you read the way she captures emotion on a page, her prose is worth framing, her technique beyond compare.”
Seated at my desk, my fingers hover over the keyboard, but clarity won’t come.
My husband steps into my office and immediately recognizes the pout. “What’s the matter?”
“My emotions are all over the place.”
He reels me into a hug. “You need to rest. Take tomorrow and rest.”
“I took another teaching assignment.”
“You what?” He rears back wide-eyed and gives me the look. “You were supposed to take the rest of the week off.”
“I felt guilty. I should contribute more. No sense turning down work.”
“You could have run it by me first.” He shakes his head. “I would have told you to say no.”
And then it came out. A lie built on the precursor to the blues. “I’ll be fine.”
But I’m not. Truth is I’m tired. The things I-want-to-do are squealing at me from beneath the need-to-do pile and haven’t-gotten-to stack. My downtime has turned into just-let-me-lay-down time. My body and mind don’t sync at this pace. I’m not the Millennium Falcon – I don’t function at warp speed.
But, there is a remedy. This “blue” shall pass.
“You’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4:8-9 MSG
And by His most excellent harmonies, He does not mean the “blues.”
“You’ll do best” – not “may I suggest” or “you might consider.”
“Meditate” – not “run right past this” or “in one ear and out the other.”
“Sit, be still, think,” He says. Out of the funk and into the Light.
Fix your thoughts on the One who is worthy of their attention.
I swing around and face truth. Through the fog, I grip gratitude and count my many blessings. I preach beautiful praises to my heart and entreat my mind to remember what He’s taught me before – it’s not time to quit. I account for the good He has done and all that He promised is to come – everything is working together.
It hasn’t quite yet, but it’s on its way out. This “blue” shall pass.
This post is a link-up to the Five-Minute Friday community. An inspired and beautiful group of gifted writers who pour their heart on the page over one word prompt. Come join the Friday free-write festivities or the early bird joy on Thursdays on Twitter @ #fmfparty. For details, please visit our gracious hostess, Kate Motaung.
Photo Credit (Text Overlay by Tiffany Parry)